A little while back I wrote a post detailing how to set high standards via your non-negotiables. But I didn’t dive into what they actually are, and why non-negotiables in a relationship are so important to the success of any long-term romance.
Non-negotiables are the values that must be shared by your partner in order for you to have a successful long-term relationship. As the name suggests, these are the things that you simply cannot compromise on — dealbreakers, if you will. And if your partner doesn’t align, you would bring the relationship to an end.
The misalignment of non-negotiables between two people renders the relationship moot.
What’s the difference between a negotiable and non-negotiable in a relationship?
The difference between a negotiable and a non-negotiable comes down to whether the mismatch of values would cause the end of the relationship. A negotiable is a strong preference. Simply put, your relationship wouldn’t hang in the balance if the misalignment occurred over this preference. When in doubt, ask yourself, would I break up with my partner over this? If the answer is yes, that’s a non-negotiable.
Why are non-negotiables so important?
Cementing your non-negotiables allows you to weed out potential suitors who you’re fundamentally not compatible with. Having them set in stone also avoids break-ups over dealbreakers years down the track. The last thing you want to find out is your long-term partner has no intention of getting married if that’s a non-negotiable for you.
As I mention in my previous post, the key also lies in making sure your non-negotiables never become negotiable. So really sit with what — at your core — is important to you, and have the courage to stand by it.
Examples of non-negotiables in a relationship
While figuring out your non-negotiables is entirely unique to you, these are the non-negotiables you need to consider:
- Shared Future Goals: Do you wish to get married? Do you want to have children?
- Core Values: Where do your beliefs stand on religion, politics, culture? In what ways do you need your partner to align?
- Mutual Trust & Honesty: Perhaps an obvious one, but what do you really have without these?
- Unconditional Respect: Unconditional is a strong word when put in front of many factors, but unconditional respect is where there should be no question.
- Open-Mindedness: Could you have a successful relationship with someone who is stubborn? Who is close-minded to new ideas outside of their own?
- Family Relationships: Is it important that your partner makes an effort with the friends and family in your life?
- Romantic History: Would you be able to date someone who’s previously cheated on a partner?
- Passion: Is having a passionate relationship key?
- Sense of Humour: If having a laugh is on your life’s agenda, then I’d go on and pop this one down.
- Love Languages: How do you need your partner to show you love? Quality time? Acts of service? Gifts? Words of affirmation? Physical touch?
- Finances: Considering that incomes are likely to become shared somewhere down the line, what spending habits are you — and aren’t you — comfortable with?
- Addiction: Would you be able to maintain a relationship with someone who had a problem with drug use, alcoholism or gambling?
- Ethics: Is good discipline and strong work ethic important to you? At what point does laziness bother you?
- Interests: While your interests needn’t be the same, your partner should at least hold a space for you to express them.
- Support: When sharing your dreams, I like to think your partner should be your biggest cheerleader.
The non-negotiables are the building blocks of your relationship, so without them, you’re dancing on a rocky foundation. Save yourself the time, and save yourself the heartbreak.
DISCOVER MORE: How To Set High Standards