First and foremost, to set high standards is in no way, shape or form, a bad thing. I’m not talking about what car he has to drive or a height benchmark, rather the values and outlooks that you need from him to sustain a successful relationship.
To set the bar is to create a list of – what I like to call – the non-negotiables. Fear not, I’m going to show you exactly how to write one.
So how do you set high standards?
Begin with the basics and get clear on what the big picture looks like for you. What are the things that are most important to who you are? Does it involve getting married or not so much? Having children or not at all? Is living abroad a part of the plan? In essence, these are big-ticket items that frame what you want from life. It also saves you from men who won’t fit into your vision right off the bat.
After the basics are ironed out, start to paint the type of man he is and how he leads his path. What are your views on sex and would you like his to align with yours? What love languages does he need to possess to fulfil you?
Note the most significant traits you would have him embody. When piecing this together, I like to consider the things I’d want him to bring out in me and start there.
Finally, when in doubt, draw on past experiences. Inspire new standards through old disappointments. Inch the bar higher with every moment you were forced into confusion, games or heartbreak.
I guess we should also take a moment to thank those ‘almosts’ whose swift exits out of our life mirrored their entrances. For it’s as a result of these walking red flags, that we women can take back and ignite our power when heading in search of the one.
Each offers a different lesson, something you do not stand for with the next. A waste of time soon becomes something to add to the list of things that are absolutely, and completely, non-negotiable.
Take your time and fine-tune your list to perfection. Most importantly of all, when you get to put your list to the test – ensure those non-negotiables never become negotiable.
Have you nailed how to set high standards or just getting started? Comment below!
Dear Tamedojev
I am a male and what you have shared here is not gender biased, just letting you know it’s how I felt after reading this post.
I have often dated women with standards so high, they almost felt to me as completely unachievable.
One particular woman, I don’t think I have ever had such powerful feelings towards anyone before.
From the moment I met her there was instant butterfly sparks.
These butterfly amazing energy not only lasted from day one, not only through the infatuation stage.
These unbelievable never ending continuous sparks were present every single time I was near her for over 2 years.
When we broke up I have not felt that with anyone again.
I have always strongly believed finding someone is not by force or an attempt to seduce someone. Instead if you don’t hunt for it specifically, it will come your way when you least expect it.
In saying all this, I’m never in a rush or desperate and I can quite happily live alone.
Your post has given me an insight to take non-negotiable higher standards to mind, using this technique to concentrate on someone that will shine together with me so we can grow and together may become a better version of ourselves, not being influenced by petty issues that will fuel our demise.
Thank you
Marek
Hi Marek! Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my piece! It’s incredibly fulfilling knowing that you’ve taken something away from it. Although it was written from a female perspective, it definitely applies to both sexes in the search for love! Couldn’t have agreed more with what you’ve said! At the end of the day, flirting and lust only goes so far when you want the real deal!
Kindest,
Tamara x