To truly stop caring about what other people think of you is a great fruit of life. But the real questions lie in why we care so much about what other people think? When did society start this mad crusade? And most importantly, how do we stop giving a damn? Is it even possible?
The ability to break free exists. I believe it comes back to our need for belonging and being afraid of loneliness. The idea of living a life dependant on other people’s acceptance baffles me beyond belief. To mould yourself to fit into that which another deems worthy is a life lived in fear. But it certainly doesn’t have to be that way. It was once said…
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost 1916
As with all poetry, it’s up to interpretation. But this particular string of words captures all that it means when deciding whether you want to take your life back. After all, you only get one.
Now it’s not an easy path by any means, but the key is knowing that you always have access to it. I don’t call it a road purposefully, because you can’t call yourself an Uber and head from A to B in the backseat. It’s a path because you have to put in the work. One foot in front of the other, every day. Each step holding every ounce of trust in yourself. It’s long and sometimes painful. And on occasion, you may look back to see that you share this path alone.
So how do you stop giving a damn? Here’s how.
WRITE THE LISTS
These aren’t any old lists. These are the lists that you take with you through every moment of every day, until one day you’ve got them etched into your soul.
Get out a piece of paper or start a new note on your phone. It’s vital that you sit with yourself, honestly and without judgement. Once you’re ready, write out a list of all the people you care for deeply. These are the individuals with who you feel safest. Then comes the pièce de résistance. Proceed to write another list directly by its side – only this time note only the people whose opinions you actually care about. Do not confuse this with the people you seek validation from. Not everyone from List A makes it onto List B, nor should they. The second one should be significantly shorter than the first. Ask yourself:
- Did they make it onto your first list?
- Can you be completely open with this person?
- Do they actively show they care?
- Do they really have your best interests at heart?
Right before you finish your lists. Question each and every name on the page. Why do they have the honour of being on there? How have they earned the place? Be absolutely brutal.
Moving forward, look back to these names as often as you need. Maybe a “friend” made a comment that held a bit of malice? Perhaps a complete stranger said something that stuck? In these moments, look to your list. Are they on the list? No? Perfect. Their opinion is automatically mute. If the answer is yes, they probably weren’t meant to be on there in the first place.
Eventually, you stop looking back on your path and realise that you haven’t turned around in a long time. You’re only looking forward. At some stage, you may turn to see what’s beside you. Only to notice all the other souls on their own untravelled path, alongside yours. These are your humans. Find peace knowing you never have to search for these individuals, they are naturally drawn to you and you to them, effortlessly and authentically.