I know, I know. You’re probably thinking what on earth could she have to say at the ripe old age of 25? A fair point. Frankly, I couldn’t help myself. As I reflect on my adulthood, I’m met with an array of life lessons that escape the cliches we hear on the regular. While “listen to your gut” and “life’s too short, do what makes you happy” are excellent contenders, this list is complied of those that may be a little less obvious.
So, here are the 25 life lessons I wish I knew a little sooner. But what would’ve been the fun in that?
1. Don’t take things personally
While this list isn’t in any particular order, this is a piece of advice that I handout left, right and centre. The day you stop taking things personally, is the day you set yourself free. Walk this life knowing that people’s reactions, have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Our responses and reactions to those around us are merely a concoction of our own experiences, emotions, ego and soul.
2. Fall in love with your own company, and love will find you
This is one of those life lessons that sits so deep within my soul, it has become synonymous with who I am. I’ve spent these latter years of my life dedicated to the purpose of befriending the one being I’ll walk with until the end of time. Beautifully enough, the deeper I’ve loved myself, the more I have found myself rewarded with the most beautiful of kindred spirits.
3. Connection cannot be created nor destroyed
Bonds can be built and nurtured. But connection on the other hand, is that which we cannot create. I believe it is one of the divine gifts of this life that we’ll never truly be able to explain. It’s what can only be described as finding a home in someone else. So when you feel that undeniable spark — romantic or entirely platonic — treasure it with a softness that knows no bounds.
4. Never compromise on your inner peace
From relationships and romances to workplaces that are sending you into pits of anxiety, I stand by never allowing something to interfere with your inner peace. I consider my inner peace to be a guiding light, and if something is interrupting that energy, that’s my sign to wish it well, and let it go.
5. You have a subject-object relationship with your body
This little gem transformed the way I spoke to my body. Linguistically speaking, we each hold a subject-object relationship to our silhouettes — so we cannot be our bodies because we are the ones experiencing our bodies. When it comes to the relationships we have with our partners or lifelong friends, we approach those interactions with kindness. Take the same notion to your body. I changed the way I perceived myself, and the language shifted too.
6. Some relationships are only meant for a season
Our lives are split out into chapters, each filled with an abundance of experiences, memories and characters. But as the pages in our books continue to turn, some characters are left to chapters passed. While the idea that everyone sees you through to your final pages is a beautiful one, it simply isn’t the case, and that’s okay.
To those who sit in chapters gone by, I hope this life is giving you everything and more.
7. Everyone should solo travel at least once their life
If you had told me five years ago that I would one day solo travel through the likes of Europe, I would have laughed in disbelief. If you had told me I would yearn to do it again, well, you see where this is going. It needn’t be a three-month adventure through the depths of a distant jungle, merely a few days away that allow you to sit with your own company.
8. Without your health, you have nothing
Okay maybe this life lesson is a little cliche but I am often reminded of its depth. While I don’t believe it requires an explanation, it does allow me to pause in moments of self-criticism or complaint. Because ultimately, when our health – or those we care for – is suddenly compromised, all our superficial worries fall away.
9. Take photos to capture a moment, not to create one
It would be a bit rich for me to say that I don’t love a good photo op — sue me, who doesn’t? But over the last few years I have certainly reined in on getting a picture solely for the likes of Instagram. There was once a time where events with friends were overtaken by the need to get ‘the shot’, and by the time we did, the day was coming to a close.
Fast forward to present day, and those who know me, know that my film camera and I are attached to the hip – and as a result – I am often found quietly capturing a candid moment of those around me. I have found greater joy behind the camera, than in front of the lens.
10. You are yet to meet all the people you will love
I came across this sentiment many moons ago, and I have not forgotten it since. Nor have I stopped loving it for all that it holds.
11. Home exists in people
I don’t quite know how to put this into words. But at some point in my life I rewrote what home meant. It could never be defined geographically, nor did it have to be singular. Home is the smile that graces the face of a loved one upon your arrival, ‘I miss you’ messages and the unwavering anticipation of someone’s pending presence.
Home was never a place, but the souls who defined it.
12. What if it turns out better than you imagined?
What’s the quickest way to rob yourself of your potential? Be realistic.
13. Sometimes taking a risk doesn’t pay off, take them anyway
When in the enrapturing grasp of your twenties, and the excitement of the unknown, take the risk. I’m convinced that this decade of our lives is crafted especially for it. While there is beauty in safety, and we can only hope to be propelled forward when we take a plunge, sometimes they don’t work out in the way we had imagined. But by no means should this send you back into the familiar embrace of safe seas. True growth comes from venturing beyond the point of knowing.
Find comfort in swimming in deep waters. Eventually you’ll find that you’re no longer treading water, and you’ve become one with the rhythms that surround you.
14. To read, is to live another life
There is something so intimate about opening the cover of an unread novel. Revel in the fact that you’re peering into the imagination of another soul who has — or is — walking this Earth.
15. Find YOUR definition of success
I feel as though, now more than ever, we are being fed narratives about what the dream should look like. But as I grow into my years — to my older audience reading this, feel free to roll your eyes at that one, I did too — I’m realising what my definition of success looks like.
As time goes on, it no longer veers toward what car I want to drive and which designers sit in my wardrobe, and more toward whether I caught the sunset today, how much love surrounds my being and how much I get to give, the depth at which I laugh and the ease in which I find humour in this life, to have seen what the world looks like from the skies and to know of the sweetness fruit should bear in the summer.
16. No job is worth your happiness
You spend around 38 hours a week at work, pick something you love and don’t sit at a desk that doesn’t bring you peace. Life is not certain enough to be doing anything but.
P.s. Don’t underestimate how important it is to enjoy the company of your colleagues. We spend most of our time amidst their company — find your people.
17. Nothing is set in stone
Simply put, don’t be afraid to reset your life. Don’t place yourself in just one box. Go out there and become great at whatever it is that your heart longs for. Explore the idea of being multifaceted in your talents.
Almost nothing is permanent in this life. Don’t be afraid to pick up the paintbrush, and recolour the canvas.
18. Read the ingredients on the food you’re eating
This is one of the more recent life lessons that has made its way onto my little curation here. Perhaps obvious, but don’t diminish the importance of what you’re putting into your body.
19. Let go of the things that no longer serve you
I know it’s easier said than done. But don’t be afraid of letting go of that which no longer serves you. We can’t change people, so if you have to lower your vibration to match someone’s energy, it’s time to reevaluate that person’s orbit in your space.
20. Your reality is the result of your decisions
At any given point in time, you are merely one decision away from an entirely different life. When you find yourself complaining about an aspect of your life, remember that it is a concoction of your choices that has brought you to this space.
Take ownership over your reality, and if you don’t like it, change it.
21. There’s no such thing as a closed door
This life lesson stems from a dear friend. She shared that doors don’t close, rather, we are constantly walking from one room to another. With each step we take directing us to where we need to be.
Alara, thank you for putting it so beautifully.
22. Something comes from something, nothing comes from nothing
The all or nothing sentiment is one I’ve detested for a lifetime. I’ve never been one to be all in or not at all. It merely creates an undercurrent of pressure for perfection. So when you feel as though you can’t give 100% at any given time, give what you can. Because as the saying goes, something comes from something, and nothing comes from nothing.
23. Never settle
There has been an occasion or so where I’ve been advised that I should lower my standards, and if I had listened, I certainly wouldn’t have what I have today. Settling is a fear response, a decision made in fear that you won’t find something — or someone — better. From the guy who offers the bare minimum to jobs that don’t spark joy, don’t settle.
24. You attract what you are
Perhaps one of the beautifully blunt truths of this world, but the universe is constantly working in your favour. Many years ago I asked my guiding light in this life why I kept attracting the same type of guy when it came to my love life.
Her response? “Because on some level that’s what your soul is putting out in the world, what we give, is what we get back.”
And just like that, the entire course of my life changed in the most sensational of ways.
Mel, I owe this one to you.
25. We’re spiritual beings having a human experience
I guess one of the more profound life lessons, that we not humans having a spiritual experience. But spiritual beings having a human experience. And while not everyone will agree with that sentiment, it does make this existence all the more beautiful.